Family time versus business time

Being a busy bee, I am not at home all that much. In classic families, this often leads to tensions between the busy networker and the coasy home bird, or between two busy networkers never at home on the same moment. Does a poly family require more presence at home, or does the company of a sister wife complement the absence of the alpha male?

Organization is key

According to one of the editors on the polyfamilies website, organization increases harmony in a polyfamily. Task lists and menus help in getting organized. As a matter of fact, if you want to limit food shopping to once a week, it is always helpful to draw a week's menu -- poly or not. So that did not come as a surprise to me, but from that polyfamily's story, I understand that they considered task lists as overorganized and 'not done' prior to their poly life... but the poly life made it necessary to keep on going on well with each other.

Much practical info

I came across a site, I do want to point out here. The website Polyfamilies gives many answers I was trying to find through this blog. I have spent more than an hour reading and enjoying page after page.

Definitions of the word "harem"

There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about the word "harem". Indeed, by us Westerners the term seems very often referred to as "the enclosure of the female property of a sultan". Some dictionaries even limit their definitions to muslim practice, where others have much wider interpretations that go as far as "respectful female privacy".

Let's have a look at some of the definitions I found browsing the internet:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harem: The word itself means: privacy that is very respected and honored. Coming from the Arab tradition, the harîm (compare haram) is the part of the household forbidden to male strangers. In Western languages such as English, this term refers collectively to the women in any polygynous household as well as to the 'no men allowed' area, or in more modern usage to a number of women followers or admirers of a man.


• http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/harem:
  • a usually secluded house or part of a house allotted to women in a Muslim household
  • the wives, concubines, female relatives, and servants occupying a harem
  • a group of women associated with one man
  • a group of females associated with one male -- used of polygamous animals


• The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition:
  • A house or a section of a house reserved for women members of a Muslim household.
  • The wives, concubines, female relatives, and servants occupying such a place.
  • A group of women sexual partners for one man.


• http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/harem
  • the part of a Muslim palace or house reserved for the residence of women.
  • the women in a Muslim household, including the mother, sisters, wives, concubines, daughters, entertainers, and servants.
  • Animal Behavior. a social group of females, as elephant seals, accompanied or followed by one fertile male who denies other males access to the group.
  • Facetious or Offensive. a group of women associated in any way with one man or household: Father joked that he has a harem of five daughters.

On quite some polyamory websites and blogs, I find the word "harem" or "harem-like" as a reference to explain what polyamory is not. In those cases however, the word "harem" refers to the possessive meaning of "owing women" or "enforced relationship". On this blog, the word "harem" refers to the situation in which a man and many women share an intimite relationship. There is no question of any kind of possession. My first posts will clarify that too.

I hope this post eliminates some misunderstandings.

Merriam-Webster and other resources on polyamory

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What about the kids from a previous marriage

An important factor in each newly created family is the smooth integration of the children from the previous marriage -- definitely when those children are not all the time at daddy's place. Being a dad of two wonderful daughters, I consider any new friend as not OK, if my kids do not feel comfortable with her. This of course becomes extra complicated when more than one friend wants to start living in and with the family. I welcome any suggestions and experiences on this topic, since it is a basic struggle for me to get this question resolved.

RLLC -- a business model for modern relationships

While browsing the internet, I came across a site that promotes using a business partnership as the basis for a modern marriage. I like the idea, and beleive it could at least give the partnership a legal form that can act as a legal entity for purchasing a house, cars, etc. Moreover, if the partnership should ever ceise to exist, or one partner would want to leave, the partnership model and actions are the most correct and objective way to step out, or to dissolve the partnership.

Read more on http://www.relationshipllc.com/.

Great idea.